“Take responsibility for the energy you bring into the room.”
We’re speaking up and we’re speaking out with an increased level of presence and influence. We are constantly being judged on communication, likability, credibility, empathy and our authority especially by our male counterparts. Now, more than ever, it’s important for women to hone their communication capabilities as they become leaders and entrepreneurs.
Here are some facts from The Female Brain by Louann Brizadine.
- We have 11% more neurons in our brain for language and hearing than men.
- We have verbal agility allowing us to converse and listen on multiple levels.
- We use dialogue which helps develop deeper relationships.
- We intuitively read expressions and hear the tones of voice for emotion or states of mind.
Clearly, women have an advantage when it comes to communication. Here is how you can put your gifts to work:
1) Listen 90% of the time; speak 10% of the time.
Most people don’t listen enough during a conversation because they are focused on getting their point of view across.
- Listen with the intent to understand what’s behind the other person’s comments. Take advantage of your natural ability to read the non-verbal cues. Don’t feel compelled to respond to every comment. Most conversations have underlying nuances. Ask questions for clarity, and take a step back to listen and read between the lines. You have the upper hand over men when it comes to communication. Use it!
2) How you sound is how others interpret you.
The tone of your voice is what others respond to and it reflects a “truth” of the underlying feelings at that moment. Most people believe the words you use is more important than how you’re saying it; but tone impacts how you leave people feeling and whether you are credible or not.
Your tone, the pitch of your voice and volume make a difference. This may sound obvious but how many times have you stopped to listen to yourself? Dial it up or dial it down. Think about how you would like to sound if you were on a podcast?
Don’t default to thinking you need to behave like your male counterparts sounding more assertive, less empathetic or louder in order to be heard and valued. Remember you have 11% more brain neurons!
3) Stop using minimizing language.
“I’ll try,” actually,” “just,” “I’m not sure what you think, but…” or “I may not be familiar with this topic, however, “ are qualifiers that diminish your statement. Women have a tendency to use weaker language for fear of being labeled as aggressive, pushy or abrasive. Our desire to be liked gets in the way of making our opinions meaningful and credible.
Use words of affirmation and strength:
- “I am confident…”
- “I expect…”
- “I’m convinced…”
- “I’m optimistic…”
- “I’ve found…”
- “What is important is…”
Be unapologetic. Women over apologize in our effort to be seen as polite when it’s completely unnecessary (e.g., “I’m sorry to bother you but would like to ask a question”). While an apology for stepping on someone’s toes is appropriate, asking for a raise, or needing new staff doesn’t need an apology.
4) Get to the point.
It’s great our verbal agility allows us to read nonverbal cues while following a conversation, however the downside is, we have difficulty getting to the point.
Brevity is key. Being overconfident, not mindful of other people’s time cause people to talk too much. Being brief is difficult; it takes preparation and practice which most people underestimate and think unnecessary. We have the tendency to think out loud, reiterate, reassure and be unprepared. How many times have you found yourself talking about an important issue and end up on tangents, and over explain?
“Mind Map” before you verbalize. Determine what information is important to share and what is not. Rehearse in your head to be concise and contextual. Write it down. Visualizing on paper makes your thoughts clearer and more concrete. It’s worth taking the time.
Use the power of the pause. It creates discipline in your delivery and avoids nervous tendencies to make unintentional comments. A pause helps your listener digest what they heard, and allows you time to collect your thoughts. In our most zealous moments to make a point we increase “our talk” levels and often forget less is more and silence can be golden.
Changing speech habits takes time and practice. Focus on the ones you tend to use most. Your emails can be breeding grounds for underlying qualifiers. Scan and and edit before sending. Practice makes perfect and you’ll slowly change your habits. Now, walk into that boardroom with confidence knowing that your innate abilities + conscious effort equip you to be a stellar communicator!